Your secret weapon: internal dialogue

One of the most common pieces of feedback I give to authors is around internal dialogue. It’s something that so many people struggle with, and yet it is a huge advantage we have as writers.

Unlike movies or TV, where the reader has to infer the character’s thoughts through action, audio and visuals, internal dialogue in novels and other story forms lets readers actually see inside the character’s mind. We aren’t just viewing a character moving through a story, we’re put right into their shoes. And that’s why I think getting internal dialogue right is so, so important.

So, what is internal dialogue?

Internal dialogue shows the thoughts that are going through your POV character’s mind. It can take two forms: direct and indirect.

Direct internal dialogue is usually formatted in italics and is a direct transcription of the character’s thought, as if they are talking to themselves:

The room sparkled with gold and diamonds, almost blinding in the summer sun.

Wow, she thought, and then paused. I wish Monty could see this.

Indirect internal dialogue is like paraphrasing the character’s thoughts:

The room sparkled with gold and diamonds, almost blinding in the summer sum.

She gasped, and then paused. If only Monty were here with her to see this.

You can use both types of internal dialogue no matter your narration – first, third or even second person – or tense. The use of direct dialogue is usually reserved for impact, with most of the thoughts being indirect.

Internal dialogue gives the reader further insight into the character’s emotions, motivations and goals. Instead of seeing them hit another character, we see their thoughts and emotions leading up to this moment. This builds tension and makes the climax (them hitting out) more dramatic because we understand why they’ve done it and – if the writing is strong – we’ll feel those very same emotions.

How to use internal dialogue

Internal dialogue should always be in your mind, whether you’re writing a quiet scene, or an action one, a romantic one or a scary one. When your character reacts in a certain way, ask yourself whether you’ve given your reader the motivations and thoughts that have led your character to this point. Read on for some examples.

Without internal dialogue:

Elsie stood at the graveside and watched as her husband was lowered into the ground. Then she spun on her heel and strode back to the car.

This example could work as an intriguing hook – the reader will be wondering why she is reacting this way and will read on to learn more. However, without internal dialogue here or soon after to explain Elsie’s behaviour, the reader will be left at sea, not quite knowing what her behaviour means – is she overcome with emotion that she has to leave? Do she detest her husband and feel nothing at all? Without the internal dialogue, the reader won’t feel close to Elsie and this can create a disconnect and lead to comments like ‘I couldn’t relate to the character’.

With internal dialogue:

Elsie stood at the graveside and watched as her husband was lowered into the ground. She tried – she really did – to remember the good times. Because there must have been them at some point, perhaps, before they were married. She tried to remember the woman she had been then, who surely would have been in tears at this moment, would have been the proper, grieving wife.

Instead, she felt nothing. Not even when the dirt slowly covered the glossy wood of his coffin. If there were good memories, they were buried deeper even than he was.

She spun on her heel and strode back to the car.

Here, we are given an insight into what is going on in Elsie’s mind as she watches the funeral, the thoughts that lead her to act the way she does. Without giving and precise emotions, the reader suddenly knows precisely why Elsie isn’t sobbing and why she walks away without emotion.

Internal dialogue helps build a picture that is both immediate and gradual. Using internal dialogue in bits and pieces throughout your novel, gives the reader more and more insight into your narrating character(s). Internal dialogue that you use in Chapter One, can still help them understand what happens in Chapter Twenty, for example. Likewise, you can use internal dialogue after the fact, to help explain sudden behaviour or action that you used as a hook earlier on.

What form can internal dialogue take?

With indirect internal dialogue, try to use variety with how you show your character processing information. Here are some ideas:

• Memories – a character’s backstory is a great way to help your reader understand who they are, and using internal dialogue is good way to avoid giving this information in a way that avoid info-dumping

• Voice – internal dialogue is a fantastic way to build your character’s unique voice. Do they think in short, sharp sentences, or do they use more flowery language?

• Character – like voice, internal dialogue gives you a chance to really build a character’s personality beyond mannerisms. What do they notice first when they enter a room? What judgements do they make on meeting other people?

• Assumptions – we all have assumptions – about ourselves, other people, how the world works – and very rarely do we question these. What things does your character take as fact, and how does this affect their internal dialogue?

• Fatal flaws – key to your character’s internal journey is overcoming their fatal flaw. By concentrating on this fatal flaw in their internal dialogue throughout the novel, you’ll show the reader their internal growth, as well as how much they fight it (key to making their transformation satisfying)

Can I have too much internal dialogue?

Absolutely! Like with anything in writing, you can have too much.

I often try and look at internal dialogue like I look at worldbuilding or scene setting – avoiding big lumps of text and instead intersperse thoughts with action, description and dialogue. This means that your prose is interesting and readers don’t get too bogged down.

Looking for more guidance on your novel? Get in touch to chat about a developmental edit!